The Boy Who Can't Forgive Himself
I have a student who breaks my heart.
He's ten years old. Bright. Dedicated. Talented at English.
Last week he got 38 out of 40 on a listening test.
Most students would celebrate. That's 95%.
Not him.
He stared at those two wrong answers. His face fell. He was genuinely upset.
"Only 38," he said quietly.
I'm watching his love for English die because he can't forgive himself for being imperfect.
Why Mistakes Matter
Here's what I wish he understood.
Language learning isn't a series of avoided mistakes.
It's a series of forgiven mistakes.
Every native speaker made thousands of mistakes as a child.
"I goed to the park." "He don't like it." "Two mouses."
Did their parents shame them? No.
They corrected gently and moved on.
The child tried again. Made new mistakes. Learned.
That's how language works.
The Strategy of Kindness
I've been teaching since 1998.
The students who improved fastest weren't the ones who demanded perfection.
They were the ones who were kind to themselves.
They made mistakes. Shrugged. Tried again.
They got 38 out of 40 and thought, "Great! I got 38 right!"
Not, "Terrible. I got 2 wrong."
Same score. Completely different attitude.
The kind students kept practicing. The harsh students burned out.
Practice Requires Failure
Think about learning to ride a bike.
You fall. You wobble. You crash.
If you quit after the first fall because you weren't perfect, you'd never learn to ride.
English works the same way.
You'll mispronounce words. You'll miss questions. You'll get 38 out of 40.
That's not failure. That's practice.
The 38-Out-Of-40 Truth
Here's what I want that boy to understand.
38 out of 40 means you're learning.
If you got 40 out of 40 every time, the test is too easy. You're not growing.
Those 2 mistakes? They show you what to practice next.
They're not evidence you're bad. They're evidence you're pushing yourself.
Native speakers make mistakes every single day.
We forgive ourselves immediately and keep going.
That's the skill you need to learn.
How to Forgive Yourself
When you make a mistake, say this: "That's how I learn."
Not "I'm terrible." Not "I should know this."
Just: "That's how I learn."
When you get 38 out of 40, say this: "I got 38 right. Good."
Focus on what you did well.
When you miss a word in listening practice, say this: "I'll catch it next time."
Then try again.
The Real Secret
After twenty years of teaching, I've learned this.
Students who forgive themselves practice more.
Students who practice more improve faster.
Harsh students practice less because practice feels like failure.
Kind students practice more because practice feels like progress.
Grammar is procedural memory. Listening is procedural memory.
You build them through repetition. Through mistakes. Through trying again.
You can't build skill without making errors.
So the question isn't "How do I avoid mistakes?"
The question is "How do I forgive my mistakes so I can keep practicing?"
My Hope for That Boy
I hope he learns what took me years to understand.
Perfection isn't the goal. Practice is the goal.
And practice requires forgiveness.
Those 2 mistakes on his test? They're not failures.
They're the next 2 things he'll master.
That's how language learning works.
A series of forgiven mistakes.
Each one teaching you something. Each one making you better.
If you can forgive yourself, you can keep learning.
And if you keep learning, you'll get better than you ever imagined.
Your turn: Think about your last mistake in English. What did it teach you? Can you forgive yourself for it and try again?
That's the practice that matters.